to say thanks (part 4)

February 8, 2010 at 3:00 pm · Filed under 1000 things ·Tagged , ,

41.  francis frangipane’s book, “the stronghold of God.”  i’ve been challenged, encouraged, inspired, convicted, and so blessed.  best of all is the reminder that the old testament heroes of the faith were regular people…just like me.

42.  new music, and new perspectives.  i’m loving luke wood’s “light up my life” off of his “law and the prophets” cd lately.  the words have become my quiet prayer (a quietness that does not make it any less desperate): light up my life with a love so bright i’d deny anything with a lesser glow than knowing You.  unlock my soul in a way i’ve never known.  come into Your garden and find Your home in me.

43.  divine appointments.  God using random strangers to bring miraculous breakthroughs.  if only you could see the tears in my eyes as i type this.

44.  my varied, multi-colored, multi-ethnic, multi-faceted, multi-dimensional group of friends. 

45.  the way the sun looks streaming through my windows and dancing across the top of my philodendron plant after weeks of rain and leaving home before the sun really starts to come up.

46.  new revelations out of the book of revelation.  have you ever noticed that when john is caught up to heaven (chapter 4), the first thing he mentions seeing is the throne and not the One seated on it?  he did the same thing in chapter 1, riveting on the seven candlesticks before talking about the One walking in them.  was the person of God so intense that john had to adjust his gaze looking at something else first?  or was it an example of “not being able to see the forest for the trees” (a fault that is sadly present too much of the time in my own life)?

47.  thousands of men and women sieging for life at the call, houston last month.  and yes, i am “one of those” people.

48.  tax refunds.  or even just breaking even.

49.  grace that gives strength to fast, pray, study the Bible, etc.  we can only love God with the love He gives us–we’re not strong enough in ourselves to give Him anything He deserves.  it takes the Holy Spirit empowering our hearts in love to keep us locked-in gazing at the Father.

50.  nicknaming people (and being nicknamed).  the more random the better. 

51.  inside jokes that establish rapport and let it be known to all that there is a history of friendship that exists here.

52.  letting other people in on the inside joke.  three-fourths of the fun is sharing the joke so that other people can appreciate the irony/humor/absolute-silliness of the situation and laugh along as well.

53.  the game hand-and-foot.

54.  ice cream with friends while playing hand-and-foot.

55.  whispered prayers that don’t make sense because you’re half-asleep (especially when you finally wake up and think, wait…what?).  i think God likes giggling over them too. 

56.  getting to see two of my favorite people again for the first time since april in a little over a month. 

57.  bank holidays that push payday up a couple of days.

58.  lillies.  specifically the way they last for days; the beauty of their many colors; and that rich, fresh fragrance that transports me to a hilltop somewhere far away from distractions every time.

59.  God’s patience with me when i’m stubborn and sheep-headed (yes, i meant to say sheep), ungrateful for His tenderness, and easily spooked even when He’s standing right there beside me.  mike bickle’s message on feasting on God has left me with a new appreciation/paradigm for psalm 23.

60.  resources online, and people with open, generous hearts.

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begin with them

February 5, 2010 at 11:25 pm · Filed under Holy Spirit, Jesus, humility, intercession, prayer ·Tagged

His sincerity made me smile, and though I could not see him through my closed eyes, I imagined him flicking back a lock of hair to expose the  impassioned crease furrowing his brow.  I caressed the cold carpet with my fingertips, half of me praying along and half of me troubled as he prayed, “God, send us revival and let it start right here with this group.”  God couldn’t start revival in the city with that group, though, could He?  Not when we’d prayed so long He’d start moving through us….

Conviction still floods me when I realize the selfishness of my heart that night.  How much time had I wasted, waiting for the Holy Spirit to manifest in my own little pre-fabricated box–unwilling to support His working in the city outside of my own ministry bubble unless I was directly involved in leadership of that movement in some way.  Sadly, that’s how it is with many of us.  It’s a pendulum existence of either believing that God cannot possibly move in a denomination, church, ministry, etc. outside of the one in which we’re directly involved, and shunning any opportunity to be planted and established in a church or ministry family.  Where’s the balance between the two?

For me, it came down to the question I felt God ask me tonight:  “Are you desperate enough for revival that you are willing to relinquish the glory of being in the group where it breaks out initially?”

Churches in Terre Haute, Indiana and Peoria, Illinois have embraced an intensive 21-day consecration period of fasting and prayer seeking a move of God that they’re calling “The Divine Experiment.”  They’re turning away from texting, television, facebook, cell phones–all kinds of things that aren’t bad, but are distractions–and meeting corporately every night to fast, pray, and cultivate a place for the Presence of God to rest.  The testimonies that are coming from this are so encouraging, but the one that has stayed with me the most has been about the Baptist church in Peoria that is suddenly experiencing a move of the Holy Spirit without even being involved in The Divine Experiment.

What a beautiful example of God’s heart to move on regions, not just on solitary church buildings.  My prayer lately has been, “God, I want to cultivate such an atmosphere of prayer in my home that neighbors down the road or people driving by start getting filled with the baptism of the Holy Spirit without knowing why.  Let my life become a spiritual hot spot even without the label or fame of this.” 

My prayer is no longer just, “God, send revival and let it start with me.”  Don’t get me wrong, I would be honored for Him to use my life in that capacity; however, what is more important is that He breaks in with power, regardless of where it starts.  The unified bride of Jesus is not one fractured with a patent-finding heart.  He will not vindicate a competitive spirit with a lasting move of His Presence. 

Holy Spirit, move in power, and find in me someone who will support that move, wherever You choose to let it begin.

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God’s song

February 4, 2010 at 8:56 pm · Filed under Holy Spirit, Jesus, emotions, encouragement, groan, intercession, love, music, poetry, worship

I heard God singing to me tonight during our house of prayer set. 

________

“How long?  How long?

I long, I long for you!”

Hear the cry of the bridegroom God:

“How long?  How long?

I long!  I long for you.”

He’s calling me higher still

He’s calling me deeper still

Further up and further in.

He’s making a way for me

To taste the feast of love.

But how many times I’ve turned away;

Denied the very tears of God.

“How long?  How long?

I long!  I long for you!”

Can you hear the cry of the bridegroom God.

“How long?  How long?

I long!  I long for you….”

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eyes that burn

February 1, 2010 at 1:10 pm · Filed under Holy Spirit, Jesus, fire, grace, intercession, light

 

“…his eyes were like blazing fire…” Revelation 1:14

I long to see Your eyes, oh God–eyes pierced with fire, Israel embedded at their core, intimately focused on a single humble worshipper. You, who are both beginning and ending, yet somehow wrapped up in my concerns down in the middle.  The forever-flesh yet fully-divine God.  My friend. 

You’re so far above the plainness of our one-dimensional gaze. Your burn to the heart with a glance. Personal. Real. The only fire that brings life while it destroys.  Spirit power taking precedence over my multitude of broken, useless words.  Divine fire refining through years of hiding to get at the nugget of truth deep within the heart.

It is the very beauty of Your holiness that sets the seraphim on fire.  It is a testimony of Your patience that You have not reduced me to ashes.  You sit in the center of the whirlwind.  You’re a consuming fire, and I am what You want most in the world.  Yet You know that the fullness of who You are would overwhelm me, so You hold back.  The more You lead us into longing, the more of You we are able to receive.

 Your gaze is on the meek and lowly one.  You rivet on the one whose heart is postured to devour the Words that fall from Your mouth.  For what do You seek other than one who will be Your friend?  This fire in Your eyes is raw passion and untouchable holiness, deserving far greater reverence than our casual concept of grace.

Let it be my cry of desperation: oh, teach me what it means to tremble at Your word, so I may draw Your eyes.

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hard task-master or jealous lover?

January 4, 2010 at 10:24 am · Filed under Holy Spirit, IHOP, International House of Prayer, ache, fire, forerunner, intercession, love, prayer, worship

So I attended the Onething09 conference in Kansas City, Missouri on December 28-31.  God encountered my heart in so many ways that I’m still trying to process it all.  However, one teaching in particular has been turning over in my spirit since my return home.  On Thursday, Allen Hood (prompted by the Holy Spirit) stood at the end of the morning session to give a brief teaching on Isaiah 6–ten minutes that radically shifted my paradigm of God.  What follows is partly what he said and partly what I’ve discovered from researching what he said….but it’s all gone together so I’m not going to try to distinguish between his words and mine. 

In the year Uzziah died, Isaiah had a revelation of the Lord.  Leviticus 16:2, 12-14 tell us that in that in the days Isaiah lived, the priest could not come into the glory of the Lord without a cloud of incense between himself and the glory, or he would die.  This incense had to be of a certain scent/aroma and had to be lit by a coal from the altar outside of the most holy place in order for God to receive it.  
 
When Isaiah received his revelation of the Lord, he was protected even though he was not the high priest because the Lord allowed smoke to fill His temple (Isaiah 6:4) shielding Isaiah from the glory.  When Isaiah lamented his unclean lips in response, the angel went and took a burning coal from the altar and touched Isaiah’s lips.  Instantly Isaiah became a living censer to stand between the people and the glory and offer the fragrant incense of prayer and faithful prophetic utterance so the glory of the Lord would not totally destroy the people.

Habbakuk tells us that the earth will one day be filled with the knowledge of the glory of God.  Isaiah 6:3 says the angels cried to each other that the earth is filled with God’s glory.  At the end of the Millennium, the holy city is going to come down to the earth for God will dwell with men, and the Lamb will be the light for there will no longer be sun, moon or stars.  The Father is stirring the hearts of the intercessors worldwide to begin blanketing the earth with the sweet incense of prayer before Him because His glory is coming.  The truest sign that we have entered the last days is that there are hundreds and thousands of people in the earth who have taken up the mantle of full-time intercessors restoring the worship movement outlined by the tabernacle of David (which Nehemiah and Hezekiah also restored before revival broke out in their time); God is coming to the earth and He is stirring the hearts of His people to begin making it ready for Him.
 
I found myself weeping Saturday night over how much I’ve misjudged God.  I want to reread the Old Testament with a new perspective.  God cannot change who He is—–and Psalms tell us that He is the King of Glory.  His perceived “strike them dead” anger in the Old Testament was, in reality, His passionate desire to be with them.  How hard that must have been on Him to be so enraptured by a people that He longed to go and dwell in their midst, and yet could not without the impossible standard of the law in place to protect them from the fullness of who He is. 

Even now, we cannot move into intimacy with Him without the protective shield of the blood and the fragrant offering of prayer.  What a testimony of His kindness that the way is easier for us now than it was then.  The standards of Leviticus were not God being a hard task-master.  Through the law He was simply saying: “This is what it takes to get into My presence and survive….please do this because I long to be with you and I know that My coming to you on your terms will kill you.”
 
I’ve also thought about how God said that any man who made incense of the same fragrance of that used before Him for his own pleasure must be cut off from the people (Exodus 30:37-38).  This was not a “strike them dead” kind of sin, but yet was serious enough that the man should be alienated from everyone else.   

God has a scent.  While the incense that was offered up to Him from the tabernacle was pleasing for Him, He also wanted this scent reminded the people of nothing but Him.  If another man made it to burn for his own pleasure, the smell of that would invade the tents around him, too, causing others to associate the aroma with man and not God.  The strength of His love said, “I want to evoke desire in you for Me alone with this fragrance.  I want the pleasing smell of this incense to remind you of My goodness to you and your children.  Don’t cheapen it.  It’s special between us.”

I wonder what other things in our lives that we’ve considered to be God’s cruelty are actually expressions of His longing for us.  Thoughts?

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musings (part 2)

December 15, 2009 at 12:35 pm · Filed under Musings, devotion, emotions, encouragement, grace, gratitude, heart, humility, integrity, intercession, justice, light, love, marriage, morality, obedience, pain, prayer, purity, revelation, sacrifice, serve, standards, thoughts, trust

Before God can vindicate us, He must first scrutinize us.  1 Corinthians 4:4
 
Jesus’ first action on this earth was to completely trash Mary and Joseph’s reputations. Being Spirit-led is more important than man’s opinion.
 
“When you’re a child of the King, your relationships are an affair of state. you no longer have the right to just do what feels good. choose your friends accordingly.” (adapted from Stephanie.  Her words below)
 
“You are a king’s daughter and your marriage is an affair of state. You can’t go shacking up with just anybody. Your affections, while significant are not the bottom line. The bottom line is the kingdom. Hear me out. A world lies in misery and poised on the brink of hell. You are of royal blood. You have duties of state that are incompatible with marriage for the sake of your own feelings alone. Your marriage must strengthen the kingdom and make those alliances which will guarantee the lasting peace, the salvation of souls, the triumph of mercy. You must trust the King your Father to arrange matters according to his plan and purpose which is to maximize your joy and his glory through you. He loves you. Love Him back. No more sheets. Get married God’s way or don’t get married at all.”
 
 Love that does not shine under pressure is worthless when all is peaceful.
 
From rags to a wedding dress–this is the great exchange. My sin nature for His glory; my ashes for His beauty. I just have to say ‘yes!’
 
I will never fully experience God’s love directed towards me until I can first grasp how much I needed His cross.

Wisdom is simply defined as viewing the world through God’s perspective.

He loves dancing with me…even when I step on His feet. 

It is when we reject the comfortable, turn our backs on all we’ve known, burn bridges, and cut ties that we enthrall the heart of God.  Psalm 45:11

To walk with an ear open to the Holy Spirit is to live in that tension between people screaming, “don’t judge me” and Ezekiel 33:6.  We cannot be so focused on not offending people that we fail to draw attention to sin; and we cannot be so wrapped up in addressing the sin that we begin to judge the person.

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with all of my heart — ben woodward and jaye thomas

December 8, 2009 at 3:40 pm · Filed under Jesus, emotions, love, music, worship

I love Ben Woodward’s music and his heart as a worship leader, and stumbled over this song today to share with all of you.  The video quality isn’t the best, but the song so captures where my heart has been recently.  Further up and further in….He’s worth it!

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battle scars and racing stripes

December 1, 2009 at 2:29 pm · Filed under discouragement, encouragement, faith, flat tire, grace, hope, justice, pain, patience, persistence, strong, tribulation, trust

I was in an in-between, “sort of” dialogue with the Lord earlier today–meaning I was halfway praying and partly complaining, and He inserted Himself into my musings. 

Let me be frank from the beginning and admit that I sometimes think He’s unfair.  Lately, I’ve resented His dealings with me and even entertained the thought that He is unjust and untrustworthy.  It is only a testimony of His kindness that He hasn’t blasted me with a “where were you when I…?” confrontation like he did Job. 

The subject on my mind at this particular time was how bruised and scarred He allows His children to become through the spectrum of day-to-day knockings of life, to absolute tragedies.  Where is justice for the oppressed?  Why allow life to lacerate the fragile souls of men and women with wounds that never completely disappear?  Scars are unattractive, and most of us go to great lengths to hide or decrease their appearance.

And then I heard Him:  You see scars; I see racing stripes.

——Lord, that makes absolutely no sense.  Scars don’t make us go any faster.

I began trying to rationalize the connection between stripes and scars, thinking about Jesus’ sacrifice for us, and about how generals have to earn their stripes through tests; and while both parallels had merit, I couldn’t get away from “racing stripes.”  After debating on it for several minutes, I turned to Google to find out if there was any significance to racing stripes other than an aesthetic one.

What I learned is that racing stripes initially served a practical purpose before they became a fashion trend. 

“Racing Stripes” (also called “Rally Stripes”) were originally applied to the hood of closed-wheel race cars so as to provide a straight line in alignment with the dricer’s [sic] line od [sic] sight. Contrasting colors were used, and they assisted the driver in determining the direction of a car in the event of a spin, when tire smoke or dust could cause temporary disorientation.”  ~Shelby “Le Mans” Stripe Dimensions

Life can be disorienting.  All too often, circumstances can cloud our judgment to where we can’t even see the hand of the Lord working on our behalf.  And to those who He seeks to accelerate in the race we run, He often grants the greatest searing of scars.  These are not to disfigure us or to embitter us.  Rather, they are tangible arrows pointing to His grace at leading us through past trials when we can’t see Him in our temporary blindness.  We align our scars with the path of His written word and find the strength not only to stand in faith that we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, (Psalm 27:13), but also to continue to press on until we see the light again.

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Tale-Bearing (by Spurgeon)

December 1, 2009 at 12:44 pm · Filed under Uncategorized ·Tagged

Wish I had written this!
________________

Tale-bearing emits a threefold poison; for it injures the teller, the hearer, and the person concerning whom the tale is told. Whether the report be true or false, we are by this precept of God’s Word forbidden to spread it. The reputations of the Lord’s people should be very precious in our sight, and we should count it shame to help the devil to dishonour the Church and the name of the Lord. Some tongues need a bridle rather than a spur. Many glory in pulling down their brethren, as if thereby they raised themselves. Noah’s wise sons cast a mantle over their father, and he who exposed him earned a fearful curse. We may ourselves one of these dark days need forbearance and silence from our brethren, let us render it cheerfully to those who require it now. Be this our family rule, and our personal bond—SPEAK EVIL OF NO MAN.

The Holy Spirit, however, permits us to censure sin, and prescribes the way in which we are to do it. It must be done by rebuking our brother to his face, not by railing behind his back. This course is manly, brotherly, Christlike, and under God’s blessing will be useful. Does the flesh shrink from it? Then we must lay the greater stress upon our conscience, and keep ourselves to the work, lest by suffering sin upon our friend we become ourselves partakers of it. Hundreds have been saved from gross sins by the timely, wise, affectionate warnings of faithful ministers and brethren. Our Lord Jesus has set us a gracious example of how to deal with erring friends in his warning given to Peter, the prayer with which he preceded it, and the gentle way in which he bore with Peter’s boastful denial that he needed such a caution.~Charles Spurgeon

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to say thanks (part 3)

November 30, 2009 at 5:54 pm · Filed under 1000 things ·Tagged , ,

22.  jumping off the back of trailers with family-who-became-friends for the perfect picture.

23. helping me find my promise ring.  i hadn’t even worn it much lately, opting for silver instead of gold, but i mourned when i couldn’t find it.  the pledge to purity wouldn’t have changed without it, but the history tied to the ring itself means so much.

24. the right to shoot at coke cans in the middle of the woods.

25. sitting with a kindred spirit in chummy silence.

26. old pictures of friends and family, and getting to laugh at former hair/clothing choices.

27.  joe and miranda.  too much to even go into there…

28. that weird little thrill that goes up my spine and the little ache that pierces my heart when i hear certain chord progressions.  eric whitacre’s ”waternight” does it every time. 

29.  big words.  pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis being the most recent, notable example.  transubstantiationalist is another fun one.

30. baking Christmas cookies at all hours of the night.  scratch that–baking any cookies at all hours of the night. 

31.  warm, fuzzy sweaters–the kind that make you want to curl up in a ball with a mug of hot chocolate and a black-and-white movie.

32. black and white movies.  “white Christmas.” “arsenic and old lace.” “his girl friday.” “week-end at the waldorf.” and others…

33. shopping online.  maybe i should put that one in all caps and bold. 

34.  the smell of freshly brewed coffee, fresh-baked-bread, and day-old garbanzo bean soup.

35.  less than a month to onething09.

36.  ted dekker’s novels and a vivid imagination.  it’s day two and i’m almost done…and ready for the next one.

37. the beautiful, crisp days over the thanksgiving holiday.

38.  giving my aging grandmothers strength.  giving me a good relationship with both.

39. the sacrifices of our soldiers overseas.  pictures speak volumes. those who give themselves away for people they may never meet remind me of another Man who gave everything for me.

40. unexpected blessings, and pleasant surprises.

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