The Gay Issue

The events that have brought local food chain, Chick-Fil-A, into the news in recent weeks have turned my mind toward the subject of homosexuality. Before I go any further, let me make two background statements:

1. I have a conviction that homosexuality is an acquired trait, not an inherited gene. To put it bluntly, I do not believe that you can be born gay. If you hold to a different conviction, I respectfully request you not to debate that point here. There are other forums for that argument.

2. I am writing specifically to Christians. I define “Christian” as one who actively follows Christ. I do not count individuals who (for example) were baptized at the age of three but do not reflect the values of Christ in their lives in the category of a “Christian.” If you don’t currently have a vibrant relationship with Jesus in which you talk to Him every day (more than just saying grace over a meal), I would rather talk to you about salvation and the glorious redemption He offers in another post.

If you disagree with Point 1 and/or do not fit the description of Point 2, this post is not for you. I would respectfully request you keep all disagreeing comments to yourself. In fact, if either of the previous two points incites anger or animosity in you, I respectfully request you stop reading here.


I believe we have missed the point regarding homosexuality. Our “war” against the homosexual lifestyle is not one in which we are “fighting” from a position of strength. In truth, because of our lax standards as Christians, we base many of our anti-gay arguments on a self-righteous conviction that “their” sin is worse than ours, and our hypocrisy puts us in a losing position time after time.

If we want to combat homosexuality in our young people, I believe we need to come against the root behind the lifestyle. We focus so much on the “inappropriateness” of homosexual relationships that we ignore the bigger issues–immorality and the degradation of the family unit.

We are hypocrites when we shun gay people for their lifestyle choice and say nothing about our teenagers getting pregnant outside of marriage. We are hypocrites when we take up arms against television stations for showing gay love scenes but do not express the same revulsion against the fact that almost every television show glorifies casual, premarital sex. Do we even notice that anymore?

Our focus should be less on the issue of same-sex and more on the issue of broken relationships that do not conform to God’s plan for intimacy. I cannot believe it is a coincidence that so many homosexuals have come from divorced families or those with weak father figures. We are failing our children when we don’t honor our commitments. We have allowed media to teach them that casual sex is normal, homosexuality is normal, and fathers are clueless and weak.

Paul laid out the requirements for relationship in Ephesians 5 when he commanded wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to love their wives. Notice, he did not command wives to nag their husbands into showing love or husbands to brow-beat their wives into submission. Each has to voluntarily do their part. More about what love and submission look like another day.

Fathers and mothers, know this–if you do not give a child the love they need, they will find it somewhere else. By the merciful grace of God, I was a virgin when JD and I married last year; I attribute this to the goodness of God in sheltering me, but also to the stubborn conviction of my parents that I needed to be hugged frequently and talked to regularly. Specifically, I needed to be hugged by my father. One year they were encouraged by the head of their missions organization to send me to boarding school because the fees of the private school I was attending were too expensive. They opted instead to homeschool me for one year and God opened up a job for my mother to make up the difference in school fees. She worked a job for the rest of my high school career because she recognized in my teenage heart a need to be held, and refused let that come from the arms of a strange man.

If we legitimately are concerned about the progression of homosexuality in our society, we need to be equally concerned about the progression of divorce and emotionally unavailable fathers and mothers. We need to invest in our children. We need to beg God for mercy for allowing young boys to be violated in our churches and for defending those who are abusing them. We need to run after teenagers in broken families and embrace the calling to be spiritual fathers and mothers to those who don’t have earthly ones. We need to turn off the blatant immorality coming through media and once again become the guardians of our children’s eyes and ears.

Most importantly, we need to realize that those pursuing homosexual relationships and those engaged in premarital sexual relationships are all looking for true love. We need to redefine what love looks like in our generation and readhere to the definition of love that is Christ. Until we are able to sacrifice ourselves, to forgive offenses, to allow the character and fragrance of Christ to work in our hearts, to honor our commitments, and to be a people of our word, we are merely treating one of many symptoms. We need to preach at ourselves and hit our knees in prayer for those with whom we disagree. We need to stop the surge of hate in our debating and learn that we can disagree with opinion and actions without crucifying the person. God made all of us, and placed inherent dignity in each one. We need His eyes.

(PS–forgive the grammatical errors in this post. I had to make frequent stops to hold my son. 😀 I am rereading and editing as I can, but my attention remains divided.)

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11 Responses to The Gay Issue

  1. Angie Grissom says:

    sooo good Chrystal!! You have expressed my heart, way better that I could!!! Love it, love you!

  2. jelillie says:

    A powerful word Chrystal. We arre called to bring the good news to the world not scream at the bad news! When once the church falls on its knees in humility and then carries the true treasure of Christ before the world we will see many bound in all kinds of sins become free!

  3. Josef says:

    Chrystal says: Most importantly, we need to realize that those pursuing homosexual relationships and those engaged in premarital sexual relationships are all looking for true love.

    It is wonderful Chrystal that you are writing again. I don’t agree with this statement at all. Multitudes pursuing homosexual relationships and premarital sexual relationships are looking for what they can get from the relationship. When God states that an activity is an abomination we ought to be quick to agree with him

    • Chrystal says:

      I should have put “true love” in quotation marks. We are hard-wired to reach for love because God is love and He has set eternity in our hearts. Those who pursue illicit relationships do so to fill a void for love within themselves. Their actions are an abomination; however, I believe the root motivation is a hunger for love, and they deaden that desire with broken human love that cannot satisfy.

  4. Josef Sefton says:

    Chrystal, it is biblical and true that God is love and He has set eternity in our hearts, nontheless multitudes are living oblivious to these truths because God has given them over to a depraved mind. Romans 1:18-34 should be compulsory reading for all people interested in this subject. Because God gives people who become homosexuals and lesbians over to a depraved mind they even approve when other people do these unnatural acts.
    Yet God is gracious and compassionate. Instead of hungering and thirsting for unrighteousness these people can still decide to start hungering and thirsting after righteousness. Truly God gives everyone the opportunity to turn to Him, but they must choose life not death! Glory be to God, for homosexuals and lesbians can still decide to listen to God’s loving voice and repent. Truly He can cleanse them from a depraved mind and they can become a new creation that glorifies Him.
    Friends, may Almighty God continue to bless all your truth-seeking efforts with a greater and greater love for Him!

  5. Josef Sefton says:

    Thank you Chrystal for replying to my comment. Truly we all need to get back to real Christianity and allow our blessed Lord God to fully unify us in holy righteousness. Further to your article, in my opinion, it is wrong to use the words “true love”, because God is love and the person who blesses us with His love- and truly Jesus is the truth and He doesn’t and will never give His blessing to unnatural relationships!
    When someone is given over by God to a depraved mind their motivation is frequently self-centered! They do seek acceptance and love but, in God’s eyes, it is from the wrong person- and yes you are right this impure relationship fails to satisfy man’s deepest longings. God bless you!

  6. Josef Sefton says:

    Treasured Chrystal, we are all missing hearing from you immensely. May Our gracious Lord God rekindle a desire within you to bless the world again with your wonderful writing on this weblog.

    I hope you and your readers can benefit from this website.

    • Chrystal says:

      Thank you for your kind encouragement, friend. I have been writing some, but not publishing–it is a little difficult to complete a thought these days with a tiny one constantly getting into everything. Hopefully I will get better about this juggling act. Blessings to you!

  7. Josef Sefton says:

    Chrystal, you’ve brightened up the world again. I can march into 2013, with all your readers, with a new calm knowing now definitively that God is blessing you as a mom with new responsabilities and challenges!

    As far as your writing goes my suggestion is that you daily jot down your thoughts in a diary or notepad. I think that you will know deep within you when you want to share your precious thoughts with us again on a more regular basis.

    Be greatly encouraged, Chrystal, for you certainly will get better at whatever you desire wholeheartedly to do to God’s glory and in His power.

    Let’s all praise Almighty God for being a God who delights to bless us with new beginnings! Truly God loves you!

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