I saw you for the first time this week. For most of the morning, I was really nervous that they were going to tell me it wasn’t really real–that I had just imagined everything and you weren’t there; but then the screen lit up and there you were. It was my first glimpse of another miracle in progress. My miracle. And then we heard your heart beating–strong and perfect, 121 beats per minute. I fell in love.
There are so many things we will probably never know, and so many questions I wish you could answer for me now. Do you hear Daddy reading Psalm 91 over you and praying for you every night before we go to sleep? Do you sense the warmth of his hand resting on my tummy as he reads? Do you know how much we want and love you? Do you feel the holy calm when we take communion every morning? Are you comfortable? Are you afraid?
We are working to get everything ready for your arrival. You will be my biggest and best Christmas present this year. I will admit that sometimes I am afraid–you’re so tiny and so dependent on me making the right choices for you. Sometimes I feel so unprepared and small in the face of all I need to be to take care of you; and I find myself praying that I will have enough love to make up for my mistakes. Fortunately, I have a wonderful Father, and He’s walking through this process with us. It will be my biggest calling and my greatest joy to introduce you to Him.
Grow strong, little one, and be fearless. You are being born into a war that has lasted for generations, but I have it on good authority that you will see the end of the war in your lifetime. I can’t promise you that things will always be fair or easy, but Daddy and I are going to shield you with our lives and do everything we can to prepare you for what is coming. And despite the pain, there is also untold beauty just waiting for you to discover it–the warm wriggle of a puppy in your arms, the wild scent of a thunderstorm, the sticky sweetness of ice cream dripping down your chin. There are far away places for you to find when you learn to read, and so many songs for you to learn to sing. And there’s the Presence. I can’t wait to bring you into the heavy, thrilling holiness of His Presence.
I love you, my little one. Rest and grow under my heart, and soon we will hold you in our arms.